Long Jokes

Todays Jokes: Long Jokes!

A man is driving along a highway and sees a rabbit jump out across the middle of the road. He swerves to avoid hitting it, but unfortunately the rabbit jumps right in front of the car.The driver, a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulls over and gets out to see what has become of the rabbit. Much to his dismay, the rabbit is dead. The driver feels so awful that he begins to cry. A beautiful blonde woman driving down the highway sees a man crying on the side of the road and pulls over. She steps out of the car and asks the man what's wrong."I feel terrible," ! he explains,"I accidentally hit this rabbit and killed it." The blonde says,"Don't worry." She runs to her car and pulls out a spray can. She walks over to the limp, dead rabbit, bends down,and sprays the contents onto the rabbit.The rabbit jumps up waves its paw at the two of them and hops off down the road.Ten feet away the rabbit stops,turns around and waves again,he hops down the road another 10 feet,turns and waves, hops another ten feet, turns and waves, and repeats this again and again and again, until he hops out of sight. The man is astonished.He runs over to the woman and demands,"What is in that can? What did you spray on that rabbit?" The woman turns the can around so the man can read the label


It says..


"Hair Spray -
Restores life to dead hair,
and adds permanent wave."

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It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighbourhood.
When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope.
At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.
At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door, and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced.
When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee.
As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge. "All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the dollar for?"
"Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you."
He said, "Fuck him, give him a dollar."
The lady then said, "The breakfast was my idea."

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Two blondes were walking through a field when they came across a set of tracks. The first blonde said to the other "Those are dear tracks" the second blonde replied "No those are bear tracks" In the midst of the argument, the train came along and hit them both.

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I was walking past the mental hospital the other day and all the patients were shouting '13......13.......13'.


The fence was too high for me to see over but I saw a little gap in the fence, so I looked through it to see what was going on.


Someone poked me in the eye with a stick!


Then they all started shouting' 14......14.......14!!!!!

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Ralph was driving home one evening when he suddenly realises that it's his daughter's birthday and he hasn't bought her a present.
He drives to the mall, runs to the toy store and says to the shop assistant, "How much is that barbie in the window?"
Which barbie?" the clerk says.
"We have barbie goes to the gym, barbie goes nightclubbing, barbie goes to the ball,barbie goes shopping and barbie goes to the beach. Each for $19.95. And barbie gets divorced for $265.00."
Ralph asks, "why does Divorced barbie cost $265.00."
"That's obvious" the sales lady says. "Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's house,Ken's car, Ken's Boat, Ken's furniture, Ken's money................"

 TOMORROWS JOKES: WOMEN

The Idea

Everyday I will post 5 different funny jokes on a different subject!

Todays Jokes:

Yo mama is so fat that her bellybutton gets home 15 minutes before she does.

Yo mama is so fat that when she was diagnosed with a flesh-eating disease, the doctor gave her ten years to live.

Yo mama is so fat that the National Weather Service names each one of her farts.

Yo mama is so fat that when she wears a yellow raincoat, people yell "taxi!"

Yo mama is so fat that she sat on a dollar and squeezed a booger out George Washington's nose.